Why do we Love to Hate Narcissists?

There is nothing new about narcissism, nothing new since human beings developed a sense of consciousness and an idea of self that exceeded expectations of how anyone else perceived them. The Greek myth of Narcissus embodies this altogether too common human experience: Narcissus was captivated by his own beauty, so much so that when he adoringly gazed upon his reflection in a pool of water he fell headfirst into the water and drowned. Hence the apt title for this condition: narcissism. Some people figuratively drown in their own inward gaze, and more and more are falling victim to this condition because of the internet’s reach. How easy it is post a flattering/altered photo and wait to gauge response? But those responses are often not what the poster intended, or hoped for.

But even more troublesome is the reckless manner in which some people are living their short lives, and accruing a disproportionate amount of hate in the process. The “hate clicks” are something new, and a phenomenon that is difficult to completely understand. Take, for example, Meghan Markle - one of the most polarizing figures on the internet. Why do people look at her podcast? Apparently to mock it, and gleefully so. Why do people go to such pains to post negative comments about Blake Lively and Sabrina Carpenter? Apparently because they are so clueless about themselves and their place in the world but endlessly post versions of their would-be lives. A lot of hate there. Most recently the world’s hate focused on Lauren Sanchez, even more than her super wealthy boyfriend Jeff Bezos. Sanchez draws vitriol from even the most even tempered writers/social commenters. Is it the grotesque plastic surgeries, or the flamboyant sexualized clothing on a near 60 year old, or the blatant self advancement that triggers these responses? All of the above, and more, I think.

When social commentators lament that the world order is failing they often point to the obvious indicator: lack of community and care for one another. The narcissist is the epitome of this phenomenon - inward gazing and disregarding of any/all disruptions to their interest. We cannot live in a world that is so deeply flawed - we cannot love, we cannot flourish without reciprocal relationships. Hence the hate that is generated by the over-the-top self indulgent who see only themselves, and their need for adoration.

Perhaps it is my Catholic childhood that continually plays the refrain in my head about the “sin of pride”, but I will take that any day over the sin of hubris and arrogance. Because the latter leads to a dismal human condition that pulls at the fabric of society, fraying to the point of dissolution. If we rise above the prima facie reaction of disdain, we come to pity the person who does not have the capacity for love beyond the love for oneself. Think of poor Echo, so in love with Narcissus but rejected in favor of his own inward gaze that she withers away - leaving only an echo of herself in the world. We need more than echos, we need real, legitimate, full-bodied connections - messy, vital and life affirming.

Was it just me, or was there cosmic humor in the torrential downpour on the Bezos wedding party? The same wedding that attempted to rent the entirety of Venice! Yep, not proud to admit it but I can’t help but enjoy the tiny sliver of karma at work.